||[Sep. 19th, 2005|11:28 am]
I thought I was going to delete this thing, but it serves as an outlet for a lot of feelings (usually feelings of which I want to rid myself). It has also caused a lot of trouble because some of the things I post can be taken in ways other than I intended them...and in ways I did intend them. But, in reality, the things I post are real and the feelings are there. I think Jon told me that once, to go ahead and post the things you feel because you do it for a reason. The things we whisper we really want to say aloud, right?|
I have constructed a theory on why everyone my age seems more or less depressed most of the time. Modern America...that's it. How much hope can you have when things gnaw at you (loss, obligations, tedium) and there is nothing but a background of big-picture decay and confusion: on the news, on the radio, in billboard advertisements...missing children, beautiful kidnapped blondes, hurricanes, a negligent government, a big-business baboon of a president...combine that with the small day to day torments of existence (maybe I'm the only one who clings to that part) and it's enough to make anyone want to plunge into comfortable oblivion. A theory is just a way to cope with it, though. And that seems to be what everyone around me is more or less doing...coping with existence. Inevitably, though, theories and little bars and cages we construct around ourselves to try to make sense of this are useless. Or, then again, maybe this is just me...